The nature of a parent-child relationship changes through each life stage. Trust, affection, involvement, time and communication are what children need from parents. But as seasons change and children become adults, parents also have the same needs from their own adult children!

Whether you are a parent yourself or are contemplating your relationship with your own mother or father, here is what research says about the pillars of a good parent child relationship!

A sense of security

When children are very young, by providing and responding to their basic needs, you teach them that they can depend on you. This builds within them the psychological strength of trust.

As children grow older, into adolescence and adulthood, knowing that they can speak to a parent about their difficulties or trust them with details of their lives can provide them with a true sense of security. Interestingly this is what shapes how they relate to others.

Showing care and affection

Children need to feel loved, belonged and wanted –not rejected, a burden, or someone who is coming in the way of the parents’ dreams and ambitions. 

Comparing your child, name calling, labelling etc gives your child the message that they are not are not good enough or worthless. When children feel confident and good about themselves, they feel loved and important and their self-worth is healthy.

Time

Most parents will agree that a large percentage of time spent with their children falls into the category of completing tasks necessary to daily living, getting ready for school or work, sports practice or music lessons, tuitions etc. However, adults and children truly blossom when they are in an environment that focuses on who they are as people. Quality time means demonstration of love through interaction with the child, not just giving instructions on daily activities.  

Communication

Having two way conversations and having set times to talk  with your child, whether it is during bath & bed routines or at meal times, helps children to already know how to discuss, dialogue and share with their parents.The effort made to talk and keep channels of communication open with them when they are younger can help even when they are older.

Feeling involved in an adult childs life through regular communication is what most aged parents say they long for in the relationship!

Independence

Children do need a sense of autonomy to develop a belief in themselves of their capabilities and efficacy. Parents can contribute to this by allowing them independence balanced with setting boundaries. For example, a very young child may want to choose their clothes as it gives a sense of choice even if the clothes do not match, older children may be allowed to engage in hobbies of their choosing and interest as long as they come home at a set time. This allows for children to learn skills to be independent, make decisions and become resilient in life. 

Through the years, the relationship between a parent and child can find a new dynamic. Understanding your own parents’ needs or the needs of your child, can help towards building a strong bond.